Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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