everyone is single if you try hard enough
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So vagazzling was a success
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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