you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
