I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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