Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
