I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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