I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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