Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
