So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
