i just made my gag reflex go away.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
