I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
