Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Hippo gnu deer
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
