Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
