I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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