Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
