I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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