I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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