i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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