Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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