So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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