Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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