Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
