I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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