so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
