Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
