I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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