Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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