And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
