Screwed.edu
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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