I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
