i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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