I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
