i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize