my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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