Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
