Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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