If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
