i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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