im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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