Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize