I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
