then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
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