Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
