just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
