doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
