Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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