Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
