Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You need Xanax blowdarts
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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