so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
