He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
