you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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