You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
