do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
