I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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