So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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