I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
