we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just pee around me
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
