Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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