Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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