The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
