weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
