I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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