I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
