puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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