If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
