my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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